Big Brother 9 - Episode 9

I woke up this morning and realized blood was pouring from my walls and 666 had appeared burned into my flesh.  I took this as a sign from God that it was time to talk about the worst three episodes of BB9, with a few possible exceptions.  Be warned, this will be a long one.

Previously on Big Brother: Douchebags In Charge, these morons found whole new ways to piss me off, Amanda and Allison almost died but didn't, Alex and Amanda were evicted for being idiots, and Joshua and Sharon won HOH, causing me to question my belief in God.  Joshua continues to be a pimple on the ass of humanity, and Sharon continues to be a black-hole of boring, sucking in drama and regurgitating repetitive fake lesbian scenes.

We flashback briefly to Alex and Amanda being evicted.  Matt calls it bitter sweet, because he doesn't want to see Alex go.  How will Matt live without Alex and his shirtless body?  We see Alex's final words to Matt were "Please avenge us", and Alex clearly needed to be avenged since he was about to be beheaded.  No wait, he'd only been evicted, in a game played by and for individuals.  Why the hell would Matt avenge you!?

James and his hot-pink head declare this a successful HOH run.  Because when I think success, I think changing my target halfway through the week, and failing miserably to get my real target out.  Operation: Seagull was obviously a complete success.

The obligatory grey picture shot.

With that, Alex and Amanda's pictures go grey, and I still do not care.  Actually, let me pause for a moment.  For most people, it was this point when it really began to sink in, none of these people are worth caring about.  They aren't interesting, exciting, nice, moral, and I doubt some of them are human.  The big problem is that, reality shows are made and broken on their casts.  If you do not care about ANY of them, that's actually worse then hating all of them.  At least hate is an emotion, apathy is what kills ratings and TV shows.

Joshua yaps about working hard to get Matt and Natalie evicted, which if you watched the show you totally saw when Allison worked hard to get the two evicted and Joshua sat on his ass.  CBS editing at its finest folks.  They then show that Allison turned, when in actuality Ryan never planned on evicting Matt and Natalie, and Allison had to give in.

Well Joshua, being the sane and rational person he is, blames Allison and only Allison.  Not Adam, Sheila, and Ryan, all of whom wanted Alex and Amanda gone, but Allison.  Wow Joshua, that's a new level of psychotic, even for you, congrats!

Joshua tracks down Allison, sitting in the bathroom with Sheila.  He acts like a super prissy, flaming queen.  It gets uncomfortable watching him because he's less of a human and more of a cartoon character.  Joshua in the DR talks about how he was offended as a gay man because of the stupid lesbian lie.  He never once mentions being mad at Sheila incidentally, but Joshua has a selective memory.  Also, I bet Amanda felt offended when you talked about her father's suicide, no wait, you thought that was funny!  Of course.  Douche.  Anyway, he and Sharon talk about how Allison is a liar, and they can't trust her.

Ryan thinks in the DR that Joshua wants to go after Allison because they switched votes and left him and Sharon in jeopardy.  Except Allison had nothing to do with that, and they purposely informed Joshua and Sharon before the vote just so the two wouldn't vote against the house!  All these scene's do is paint Joshua as a huge hypocrite, something we already knew.

We now see Joshua and Sharon win HOH again, and I feel the bile rising in my throat.  They give a duel DR with both laughing and shrieking.  Joshua declares HOH better then sex, which isn't surprising since his partner is a woman.  Joshua and Sharon hug Chelsia and James, screaming the entire time.  I wonder if anyone would assume the four of them are in an alliance?  Nah!

James feels confident, fuck you dickhead.  Joshua brags about Allison looking miserable, showing off that charm we love him for.  In case you are wondering, Joshua and Sharon are being a pair of obnoxious assholes about winning.  They're screaming, jumping up and down, yelling shit, and I must remind you that you don't get to play for HOH next time.

Allison points out that usually when someone wins HOH, everyone is happy.  This time only James and Chelsia, and Joshua and Sharon are happy, the other six look sick.  I must remind the brain trust of four that you've got...four members.  In a game where people are evicted in couples.  Should you loose one HOH competition, guess what.  YOU LOOSE HALF YOUR ALLIANCE!  And yeah, the other six are not in an alliance with these four after this point.  Why would they be, it would be entering an alliance at number five in the pecking order.  Joshua, master strategist, doesn't care and instead chooses to keep showboating.

Next we see Adam, Matt, and Allison discussing the challenge in the Red Bed Room.  Joshua sense the three might be enjoying each others company, and swoops in to fix that.  When Allison mentions she buzzed in a second before Sharon, he makes a completely obnoxious buzzing noise and yells "too late".  He then starts telling her to "get the fuck out of my room".  Joshua is moving into the HOH room.  He's trying to be an asshole, which is the best long term strategy.

Now Joshua really starts to loose it.  Allison didn't start this and actually tried to ignore Joshua.  Joshua responds by screaming at her, calling her bitch and threatening to make her life hell.  He starts screaming  insults and in the interest of good taste, I'll not recap them, but I will say this.  Joshua is a fucking loser.

James actually comes to tell Josh to lay off, and Joshua (patron saint of honesty) claims Allison attacked him first.  By avoiding you and purposefully not talking to you?  Joshua, this is psychotic even for you.  He keeps snapping that people should not provoke him.  Or rather, women should not provoke him.  Not that that matters to Joshua, he'll attack a woman just for his own amusement!  So Joshua claims he only attacks people when provoked, but then screams at women with no provocation at all.

I've avoided talking about this, but I've got to.  Joshua only attacks women, and he only does it because he's afraid.  Joshua is afraid if he attacks a guy, that a guy will beat him up, and he is right.  If Joshua screamed at Matt or Ryan for fun, they'd break his jaw and not think twice about it.

You should know that Joshua does have a good....that Joshua has no reason what so ever for attacking women.  Most of Joshua's attacks on women in the house are unprovoked, and done because he finds it funny.  It's not like Evel Dick trying to throw someone off before a challenge, Joshua gets off on making women miserable.  It doesn't make the show, but at a later date Joshua goes on one of his worst tirades against Sheila for something Ryan did (shock).  He screams at her, threatens to rip her hair out, and brings her son into it, something he promised he wouldn't do.  Why did Joshua do this?  Because he could.

So in Joshua we have someone who attacks those weaker then himself, who claims to be a good Christian while not following a single Christian moral, and someone who gets off on making others miserable.  Joshua is a coward, a hypocrite, and a bully.  In a cast full of nauseating people, these factors have somehow made Joshua the worst of them all.

Even Chelsia comes out of her crack high long enough to apologize, while Ryan tries to figure out what Allison did.  I'd say the lesbian lie, but that's just an excuse for Joshua to use.  Joshua needed a punching bag for the week, since Amanda left, and Allison's name came up.

One clean shot, and this
season has a happy ending.

Ryan goes to ask Joshua just what in the yellow fuck did Allison say.  Joshua gives a rambling non-answer, though to his credit, he menages not to call attacking Allison fun.  Ryan asks if Allison attacked him personally, and Joshua states it was "her looks and attitude".  Joshua, you were celebrating out there like the producers told you you could eat Sharon too, and Allison has a bad attitude?  How the hell can even you be this big of a hypocrite!?

Ryan states that Josh is psychotic (nah, really?), and points out this is the second unprovoked attack he's pulled, the first being our suicidal romp with Amanda.  Ryan says in his usual flat way that he has no respect for Joshua.  You and the whole of humanity.

Joshua now claims in the DR that this is about the lesbian lie.  Yet, no screaming at Sheila.  How odd.  Or rather, not.  Joshua is making excuses.  The lesbian lie does not matter one bit to Joshua, he just uses it as a reason to attack Amanda Allison.  Now we see Joshua in the bathroom with Natalie, telling her "if Allison had been nice to me, she'd be on my side".  For fuck sake, the man can't keep his fucking story straight minute to minute!

Matt thanks Allison in the living room, and states that she and Joshua will talk it over.  If that's a euphemism for "Joshua screams at Allison for so long that Allison curls up into a ball and sobs" then I agree.  Joshua makes a point to walk by, just to take another pot shot at Allison.  I got to admit, I'm impressed by how hard Joshua is working to hate Allison.  If I weren't so sickened.

A very red-faced, possible hammered Allison tells us in the DR she's not taking Joshua's shit.  Most of the DR session is muted due to the rapid fire profanity coming out of her mouth.  That much profanity deserves some fucking respect.  I tip my hat.

Have I mentioned that we have only now hit the ten minute mark?  Strap in folks, it's going to be a loooong ride.

Allison goes around the house sobbing, to the kitchen first, then to the bathroom with Ryan.  She sobs and Ryan pretends that he cares, doing a really bad job of faking sincerity.  Ryan says "this is hard, but it's exactly what we want."  Yes, we all want flaming misogynist fruits to scream insults and threats at people for no reason.  In the DR he admits he feels bad for her, and thinks that he is the only one she views as sane.  In this house?  No doubt.

Since we've gone almost thirty seconds without wanting to bludgeon Josh to death, we have yet another Josh scene.  Marvelous.  Joshua is talking about how him screaming threats at Allison was "nothing" to Natalie and Sheila in the cabin room.  Sheila appears to be nursing a bowl of wine, and we must assume she is plastered.

Totally doesn't care

Allison tells Ryan, between sobs, that she doesn't care what Josh thinks.  Allison then starts ranting that everyone is intimidated by her.  Uh, no.  Most people barely acknowledge you Allison, they neither like nor dislike you.  Now I like you, but that's because you're one of the few people among this cast with a brain.  Allison continues to show how not upset she is by yapping about how men don't talk to her that way.  No Allison, sane men don't.  Joshua is...Joshua is a shithead.

Back to Joshua, who feels good because he is in control of the house!  Great, what about Sharon?  Is Sharon honestly so boring that the producers felt the need to ignore her this week?  Do I even need to ask?  Joshua curses up a storm, and states either he's sending Allison home, or she's sending him home.  Have another screaming fit Joshua and Allison might send you to the morgue.

Now Allison is in the kitchen.  Matt comes in and states they will "chat later", presumably about if Ryan can replace Alex in his life.  Ryan comes in, and Allison decides it's time to make the two of them hate her by telling them they should be ashamed for not defending her.  Allison, they weren't in the room.  When Ryan came in, he did defend you.  Allison then ups the crazy by stating that them not being there "doesn't matter".  They should defend her even if they have no idea she's being attacked damn it!  Allison does make one good point, the one I mentioned earlier, this wouldn't have happened if Allison was a man.

Oh joy, it's more of Joshua and Sharon.  It's time for their HOH room reveal.  As you might have guessed, the HOH room has been redecorated to look like a dominatrix dungeon, complete with chains hanging from the walls and a bone saw for when Joshua wants a snack.

Well no, but it would have made this scene a hell of a lot more interesting.  Everyone runs to Joshua and Sharon, pretending they want to see their HOH room, and not that they all want to throw Joshua from the balcony.  Allison says fuck this, and goes to bed instead.  How will Joshua turn this into a personal (unprovoked) attack against him?  Let's find out!

They pour into there, and we rapidly see Joshua and Sharon's HOH pictures.  Joshua as a teen looked like a douche, with bleached blond highlights and a face you just want to punch.  Sharon's family is every bit as dull as she is, and I feel sleepy looking at them.  We also see Sharon's dog got a picture, something she is really happy about.  This explains her and the damn guinea pigs...

Then we see a picture of Sharon and Jacob.  I got to admit I started laughing here, which is odd since I'm usually sobbing while watching this show.  Sadly it just reminds me how entertaining Jacob's stupidity was, and how boring Sharon is by comparison.  CBS really dropped the ball on these two.  If BB is rigged like some whiners say it is, then why the hell did Sharon come back?  Sharon sucked.

Also, why the hell are Jacob and Sharon wearing heavy clothing, and leis?  What do you want to bet they were vacationing in Hawaii, and it was Stupid Man's job to pack.

Chelsia notices a princess tiara on the table, and Joshua shrieks about it being his.  Have I mentioned Joshua is one of the more masculine gay-guys that's been on the show?  Joshua yammers about it being from his office, and when he wears it he gets to be dumbass for a day.  Matt takes a moment to channel my thoughts about how fucking stupid the tiara is, and how Joshua already acts like royalty, so a tiara is also fitting.

God damn it, now we've got more about that stupid fucking lesbian lie.  We had almost made it three minutes without bringing the fucking lie up, but like herpes, it's back when you least expect it.

The producers play the Happy Sentimental Music, as we see Joshua and Sharon with Sheila and Adam in the HOH room.  Joshua is talking about being gay, while gay men across the country pray for him to become straight, just so they wont be associated with him.  They try to make us sympathize with Joshua in this scene, which is difficult when he spends his time screaming threats at people.  Joshua gives us some spiel about gay etiquette, and then lists off the rules for being gay:

1.  You do not lie about it
2.  You do not out someone in the closet
3.  You do not ask questions
4.  You don't talk about being gay
5.  You must trust Joshua

...Wait sorry, my mind drifted to happier places.  All that I really get from this scene is that Joshua calls being and representing gays well as being as important as the Bible.  I must assume then that Joshua hates the Bible, as a few gay friends I have agree with me, his behavior is atrocious and he (to quote Rachel) "sucks at being gay".

Sheila does make a point of stating Allison was the one responsible for all of the eeeevil lesbian lie, in spite of the fact that Sheila was the one who wanted to keep the lie going and tell more people.  Then Allison got in trouble, and Sheila threw her to the sharks.  What a pal.

Now we're in the living room, Ryan is negotiating some storage room time with Chelsia ("Your going rate is $3.75 an hour?"), when Joshua walks in wearing only a towel.  Oh God, the thought of Joshua nude, gah!  Anyway, he's here to make sure that everyone in the house hates Allison, so he brings up the lesbian lie (we made it two whole seconds without it being mentioned, new record!), telling Ryan that Allison started it on day two.  Then he claims that Allison started telling everyone that she and Sheila had a kid together, which even if that is true, Sheila is the one who came up with them having a kid.  Then again, Sheila has decided that the S.S. Allison is a sinking ship, and has hitched a ride on the S.S. MakeShitUpAndKissSomeAss, so I really shouldn't be surprised she left out her involvement in the kid thing.

Let me pause for a moment.  Everyone keeps talking about how this lie shows Allison is manipulative, how she is "playing everyone", and I must ask one thing.  To what end?  It's a simple question, why is Allison playing everyone?  What is she manipulating them into doing?  What in Satan's ass crack is she hoping to accomplish?

Nothing.  Not one damn thing.  Everyone in the house knows that the great lesbian lie was just a bit of really stupid fun, but they're all acting like Allison put a black spot on her arm with a marker and told everyone it was cancer.  Everyone in this house is a liar, and most of their lies are based around manipulating people into certain game moves.  You have to lie in this game!  So why is everyone coming down on Allison so hard?  Either they're all really offended by her claiming to be gay, or they're a bunch of hypocritical assholes.  I'm banking on the latter.

Ryan listens to Chelsia yammer on for a while, avoiding being directly in front of her mouth for fear of airborne mouth STDs.   In the DR he correctly points out that Allison was being an idiot and put a target on her head for no reason.  Then again, so did Sheila and it worked out well for her!

Now Ryan goes to confront Allison in the boat room about this, acting like he's totally surprised, even though he knew about it earlier in the episode.  Which means that this scene took place from the week before, and this episode is even worse edited then I thought.  What a shock.

Allison calls it a joke, Ryan calls her a dumbass, and I pray a satelitte falls out of the sky and kills them all.   I'm skipping the scene on the grounds that it's the same damn scene we've watched for the last twenty minutes, and I'm sick of recapping it.

Matt and Natalie's relationship,
in one picture.

Low budget porno-music plays as we watch a stoned Matt and Natalie stroll through the house.  Thanks for leaving that in there CBS.  We get scenes of the two of them in bed, Matt clearly wanting to just be fuck buddies friends with Natalie, and Natalie wanting to cut off Matt's skin and crawl inside of it.  Matt states he doesn't want to cuddle, but he does want Natalie to blow him, and she complies.   Matt also states that Natalie should be happy damn it!  Happy that Matt acts like a douche to her, letting Natalie wrap her lactating lips around his dick but not letting her cuddle.  I can totally see why Natalie likes Matt, you'd have to look really hard to find this big of a douche-bag.

Matt makes Nutalie swear not to get emotionally attached to him, and Natalie takes a break from building her life size replica of Matt made out of hair from a shower drain to comply.  In the DR though, Natalie confirms that that promise she made is a crock of horse shit, as she talks about how Matty "puts up this wall to keep me away".  But as Natalie has shown us, it doesn't matter how big the wall is, or how strict the restraining order is, Natalie will always find a way to get to Matt.  Natalie states that she's "never had a guy treat me like this" before, and she's confused by it.  So to make her feel less confused, Matt calls her a whore before stuffing singles into her bra, like shes used to.

It's time for the food competition.  I do not care.

Joshua and Sharon come out of the DR in overalls, something that makes Sheila think "oh no", due to her paralyzing fear of denim.  No wait, it's because she's afraid of slop and "being in a bucket of slop", even though if Sheila had ever watched the damn show she'd know they usually do teams every other week, meaning that it is unlikely for her to be on slop all week.  If Sheila had watched the damn show, she'd know that in non-team weeks, all the house guests play to earn food for a particular day of the week, plus extra privileges, like a backyard barbecue.  Any day the house guests don't win food for, they end up on slop.  So the only way for Sheila to do another week on slop is for everyone in this house to be butt fuck retarded.

Hope that slop tastes good!

Adam whines in the DR about how he's a growing guy (body of a 29 year old, mind of a six year old), and how slop sucks.  Nah, really?  They get costumes, with all the girls dressed in green asparagus unitards, and the guys dressed in aprons.  Incidentally, the unitard is extra tight over the boob and shows them off quiet well, nice.  The idiots walk outside to see the backyard looks like a color coordinated farmer's market.

The editors start playing fiddle music from hell as Natalie comments "That's a lot of fish asparagus".  Thanks for the insight lactating one.  Chelsia in the DR describes herself as "flabbergasted" because all of that asparagus is expensive!  She'd have to fuck six guys in one night at her rates to afford one bushel of it.

Joshua and...you know what, no.  Fuck you.  I'm not going to call you Joshua, you don't deserve to be called Joshua.  I'm calling you what you are.

So Asshole and Sharon explain the rules.  To win food for the house, men must load wooden containers with what they think their partners weight is, in asparagus.  The only way to gauge the weight is to life your partner and your asparagus, and all of a sudden I wish the men were the ones being weighed, just so I could see Allison lift Ryan, before calling in a zeplin full of asparagus to match his weight.  If you're within ten pounds, you earn a food group for the house.  The HOH couple will also be playing for food since they are not playing as teams.  If they fail to earn food, the house still gets asparagus and slop.  Yum.

The challenge is stupid, and no less then four people told us the rules AGAIN in the DR, assuming that the viewers are idiots.  Given that they're willingly watching this show, that might not be an incorrect assumption.

James and Chelsia are revealed to be playing for beverages and snacks.  Chelsia states in the DR that she does not want to be the couple that looses, since that will be the target of her drunken insults this week, and it's no fun if she has to insult herself damn it!  James does manege to get her weight, and Chelsia celebrates as she mentally checks off which couples she needs to tear down for fun.

Adam and Sheila are next, with Sheila causing the scale to circle all the way around twice, before settling on 131.  The extra two thousand pounds will be implied.  Sheila blames the extra weight on her hat, while I blame it on her fat ass.  Guess which one of us is right?  Adam brings over his forklift of asparagus and gets her weight, whatever.

Matt and Natalie come next, playing for carbs and a feast.  Natalie states they got it, God sent her a message in the asparagus telling her it was her Christian duty to win food.  Matt comes seventeen pounds short of Natalie's weight of 116, showing that God hates Natalie almost as much as the viewers do.  Chelsia is upset on the one hand because they don't get a feast, but on the other hand it means a week of screaming at Natalie and throwing pickle juice on her, so it's still a win in some ways.

Finally it's Ryan and Allison playing for meat and cheese.  Adam whines in the DR about how he's been on slop and he needs meat.  I personally think he needs a shower, but I suspect he'd rather have meat.  They do get the meat and cheese, and every one is happy for Ryan.  Allison not so much.  They then throw asparagus at each other, and asparagus is not a good throwing vegetable.  They need potatoes or squash, they fly well, and you might actually hurt one of these idiots.

With that stupid challenge done, it's time for stupid filler, with Natalie painting a nail polish picture of Asshole on a paper towel.  Yes really.  This show is so desperate for material, this made the show.  Natalie states that she thought (always a bad sign) it would be fun to paint Asshole, since he's the pretty boy.  Pretty obnoxious maybe.  Natalie reminds us she likes to paint pretty things, like mermaids and Matty's penis.  Natalie then reveals to Asshole that she can't move her eyebrows.  I couldn't make this shit up if I tried folks.  She manages to paint a very good picture of Asshole, complete with blood dripping from his mouth from when he rips out Allison's throat.  Nutty Natty thinks that this will help her since Asshole is HOH, yeah we'll see.

Well, it's been a good five minutes without a fight, so CBS needs to fix that.  Allison walks into the kitchen where Sheila and Asshole are.  Allison immediately calls out Asshole, and Sheila calls Allison a hypocrite from the DR, somehow managing to fit her high horse in there.  Sheila, you started the lie, you started a fight with Allison for no reason, and you sold her out.  So shut your fucking mouth you shit-licking bitch.

One clean shot,
and the world becomes a better place

Allison calls Asshole the ugliest person she's seen in her whole life, while Sheila laughs, because Allison calling out the guy who insulted her for no reason and screamed threats at her is funny apparently.  Asshole whines that he's being provoked and I wish Allison would deck him just to wipe that smug look off his face.  Allison decides to walk off, and Asshole, known for taking the high road, calls her a flat chested ugly bitch.  Allison calls Asshole an idiot, Asshole fires back that he has two degrees from UT.  So what?  I've got a degree and I'm working on my second, doesn't mean dick.  You being an idiot makes you an idiot Asshole.

The two continue to fight, now about how much money Asshole makes, both from his job in advertising and his side job of collecting souls for Beelzebub.  Asshole states she needs to put make up on her mole I can't see, calling it her third eye and then calling her a cyclops.  Except a cyclops only has one eye you dipshit.  Allison keeps putting make up on, and Asshole continues to throw out insults that make no sense and just remind you that the only positive thing he will do in life is die.

Allison finally decides to ask just what in the hell did she do to him, and Asshole...refuses to tell her.  So he's going to go on hating and yelling at Allison, but not tell her why, only imply things.  Do you see why I call him Asshole?  Anyway Allison keeps calling him out, and Asshole makes some lame insults and runs off to his HOH room.  How dare Allison bring logic and common sense into this argument, that shall be her death!

Sharon and Asshole hold a pow-wow, where Sharon tells Asshole he needs to get everyone except Allison and Ryan together so they can gang up on the two.  Which is actually a terrible idea since the other couples will realize that the same thing can happen to any of them, and once your stint as HOH ends, you two will be huge targets.  No wait, I'm assuming these people have brains, and the jury is out on that one.  Sharon tells Asshole to make it discreet, which apparently means "go out of your way to make sure Allison knows she's not invited to the HOH room".  In fact, Asshole tells the other three couples he wants to talk to "everyone", and the acts like Allison and Ryan are furniture.

It's always nice to be reminded of being a second class citizen.  Allison calls Asshole a drama queen, while I call him a series of profanities that don't yet exist.  Asshole gets the up there and immediately tells his side of the events.  But since Allison is there she will get to tell her side of the story and maybe she and Asshole...no wait, Allison isn't here.  It's much more important to Asshole to be right in this situation, then to try and resolve the tension in the house.  What a shock.

Since everyone in the house except Ryan is a shit head, they actually act like Asshole ignoring Allison is the mature thing to do, and tell him that she provoked him!  What the fuck!  Even you people can't be this fucking stupid!  Asshole has already had huge screaming matches with Allison, Amanda and (although it didn't make the show) Natalie and Sheila.  What do all of those fights have in common?  ASSHOLE!  You can't keep blaming the other person in the fight just because you want to suck up to Asshole.

Sheila though has no problems as she applies her best dick-sucking lipstick.  She talks more then anyone, even Asshole, repeatedly complimenting him.  You know, in hell flatterers are forced to excrete shit from their mouths in equal proportion to how much flattery they gave in life.  Sheila would have a waterfall of shit pumping out of her mouth for all of eternity.

Sharon continues to defend Asshole, and asks the others what they think, and when she say's "what do you think", Sharon means "what do we want you to think?".  Ryan in the red room bets that Asshole is talking shit about them.  Nah, really?  Asshole asks their opinions, and James realizes it's his turn to suck dick as he states Allison should go up right away.  In spite of the fact that both he and Chelsia really wanted Matt and Natalie out, and considered Ryan and Allison non-entities.

Matt states if Allison goes on the block, she's not coming off.  Yeah, if she wins the Veto, the hate you guys have for her will cause it to melt!  Sheila warns it could get ugly.  Don't worry Sheila, your hypocrisy has made certain that it's "gotten ugly".  Asshole confirms that the house wants Allison gone, and they all say "Yeah, we totally hate Allison as much as you do and aren't kissing your butt".  Matt says something in the DR, but this episode has made me so sick I don't care.

This really is starting to get sickening, and this entry has already set a record length, so I'm going to skip to the end before I punch a hole in my computer.  Asshole and Sharon go through the whole production of putting peoples keys into the wood-wheel of death, acting like it's some mystery who goes up.  To the shock of no one, Allison and Ryan and Matt and Natalie are on the block.  Asshole makes a self righteous speech, and Allison for a moment looks like she's going to break her chair over his inflated head.  Please do.

Ugh, that's one episode down.  Two more episodes of Asshole as HOH.  God help me.

WHO WILL SURVIVE?